


The Kids' Table

by orphan_account



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-20
Updated: 2016-04-20
Packaged: 2018-06-03 09:02:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6604885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Due to the Oyster Incident, the children units now have a specific table during meal times. Being forced to sit at the kids' table does not end well.</p><p> Includes but is not limited to: An overly smug Leo, food fights, and terrible parenting</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Kids' Table

As usual, the mess hall was noisy. However, it seemed that for once, the cause for the most indignation was a single object.

“What is the meaning of this?!” Shiro snapped at his father, face growing red.

“It’s garish, it’s patronizing…” Forrest shuddered, holding his silken cloak closer as way of comfort. “I utterly refuse to go near that thing.”

Kiragi pumped his fist in the air. “Aw, yeah! This is awesome, Dad!”

Siegbert nodded dutifully, even though his ears and neck were completely red. “I will do whatever you request of me, father.”

“NOOOOO!” Velouria howled. “I DON’T WANT TO STAY AWAY FROM DADDY!”

Rhajat glared at her father with a darkness that rivaled hundreds of Faceless marching down the hills, ready to eviscerate the entire army. “You expect _me,_ an older woman, to sit at a KIDS’ TABLE?”

 Ryouma refused to feel sympathy for his son. “We decided this was necessary, since eating alongside you last night ended in…” Pause for a shudder from the majority of people. “An oyster eating contest.”

“That was one time!”

“And before that, I believe it was a pickled mackerel eating contest, which practically emptied Hisame’s barrel.” The Hoshidan prince rolled his eyes. “And you didn’t even win.”

“I was close to beating that kitsune vixen,” he growled, glaring uglily at a grinning Selkie.

“MAMA, NOOOOOO,” Kanna begged, falling to the ground and wrapping his little arms around Kamui’s legs. “I love sitting with you and eating with you! Being near you aways makes the food taste better! PLEASE DON’T MAKE ME GOOOOOOO!”

“Sorry, Kanna Bean,” Kamui said, a small smile on her face as she patted his hair. “I need you to be strong, though. It would be unfair if you were the only second generation to sit at the table, right? You have to be the leader here.”

 Forrest shot an accusatory look at his father. “Sitting at a table meant specifically for infants who cannot mind their own table manners is degrading enough, but you had the daring to cover the table with yellow plastic? As though this is a toddler’s birthday party?”

If he expected Leo to be apologetic, he was wrong. In fact, the dark knight leaned in closer and sneered. “The yellow plastic was my personal touch.”  
Forrest’s face went a pink as his outfit. “Insufferable!”

“Drop dead!” Asugi snapped. “I’m not sitting there, no matter what—!” Orochi placed a bowl of candy in the middle of the table. “Scratch that. I’m fine with sitting there.”

Hayato refused to budge, even though a disgusting smile was on his face. It was worse than smug, there was smugness and a bit of sadistic intention. “Now, now, Rhajat, as my child and a second generation, you have to be sitting at the table.”

His daughter loomed over him threateningly. He took a step back, still with a disgusting smile on his face. “I will curse you after this meal. Speak your blessings extra loudly, father.”

“You do that, Rhajat, and enjoy your…” Hayato glanced at Setsuna. “What’s their dinner again?”

“Chicken fingers,” was the airy reply.

Forrest looked like he was about to disembowel his father. “Don’t tell me…”

“That was my suggestion as well.”

Selkie jumped around them all, waving her hands. “Come on, everyone! This isn’t all that bad! I love chicken!”

Kamui sighed. She was starving, and this conversation was getting tiresome. “No arguments. As the leader of this army, I command each second generation to sit at the table and eat some damn food away from the rest of us!”

Shiro’s brow furrowed. “But—!”

Kamui crossed her arms, eyes narrowing. “Just _try_ my patience, Shiro. Just try.”

Ryouma’s son clammed up.

And so the dinner was going swimmingly already.

“This injustice is too great to ignore!” Forrest said, slamming his softly gloved hands on the table. He was still blushing prettily.

“Well, Shiro’s getting all hot and bothered so I’m okay with this,” Nina said dreamily, leaning forward on her elbows and watching the tall boy bite angrily into his chicken nugget.

Soleil had to laugh. “You’re so cute, Nina.”

“I love chicken!” Selkie barked, lips baring into a large smile as she crammed three pieces into her mouth at once.

Kiragi had his feet on the table. “This is the life. Hunting all day, eating with friends, and then a warm bed to pass out on! Sweet!”

Rhajat’s mashed potatoes had somehow formed themselves into a terrifyingly accurate rendition of her father’s face. She stabbed it angrily with a carrot, muttering curses under her breath.

“Relax, idiots, we have candy so chill,” Asugi muttered as he popped a sucker into his mouth. He leaned back. “This is fine, like the archer brat said.”

“As long as my pickle supplies and tea is kept in moderation, I can accept this,” Hisame said through a mouthful of sour radish slices.

“Caeldori, do you have something in your eye?” Siegbert asked, as though desperate to make some normal table conversation. “You’ve been blinking rather quickly.”

“Hmm?” She looked away from Dwyer, who was serving the adults alongside his father. “Oh, nothing. Just trying out something I’ve read in a book.”

Kana threw back his head and let out a wail. “Mama!”

Shiro finally snapped. “Shut up!” He grabbed a handful of Rhajat’s badly-intended mashed potatoes and flung it at the dragon child. Kana ducked and the world froze as gobs of pureed vegetable made contact with Forrest’s head.

Silence. And then a shriek.

“My HAIR!”

“NO, NOT FORREST’S _HAIR_!” Nina screamed. She stood on her stool and looked as though she was ready to fend off any more attacks on Forrest with nothing but a baguette. “How _dare_ you, Shiro? Prepare to meet your fate for messing with the weak!”

“I am NOT weak!” Forrest yelled. He turned to Shiro, jabbing a finger to his chest. “And _YOU_. Do you have any idea how long it takes me to do my hair in the mornings?! And now you’ve gone and stuck food in it! This will take _hours_ in the hot spring to make neat once more!”

“Oh, shut up,” Shiro said angrily. He sneered. “ _Nohrian scum._ ”

With a war cry, Forrest seized a wedge of cheese and launched himself on top of Shiro, shoving the dairy treat into his mouth and successfully blocking his air passageway.

Ophelia was on the table, striking a pose. Kiragi tried to look up her skirt, but was promptly shoved away by Caeldori.

“I, Ophelia Dusk, will accompany thee in this war with food!” she declared. “You, evil demon that hath breeched the haven that is the hair of Forrest, shall meet your end at my hands of justice!”

“DID SOMEONE SAY JUSTICE?” Percy bellowed.

Selkie didn’t know exactly what was going on, but she _liked it_. And so, she grabbed the ladle of gravy and flung it across the table at Velouria. The wolfskin howled with rage and punched Hisame straight in the face.

Madness erupted. Food flew, kids screamed, but no lives were lost since this is fucking casual mode.

“Should we do something?” Azura asked worriedly as her son disappeared under a screaming Nina who held Kiragi in a headlock, yelling “KISS ALREADY!”

Leo didn’t even look up from his tome. “No, they’re probably fine.”

Bonus:

 "I'm putting my money on Soleil to be the only one to come out alive," Laslow commented as the adults opened their fourth bottle of wine.

 "How does a salami that big even fit up there?" Orochi whispered to Hinata as she nibbled her chocolate cake.

**Author's Note:**

> Extra note: I have a FE:If fanfic idea... basically there's gonna be a magic spell and Kamui along with two male companions are going to turn into children. Vote now for who the two male companions are.
> 
> And yes, I usually sound this monotone in everything besides my writing.


End file.
